The New Shinigami
by dragonmage06
Summary: An amazingly strong new shinigami appears in Soul Society just as Ichigo and crew are trying to rescue Rukia! What will happen? What does it mean? Why does Kenpachi have a British accent? All shall be revealed.


The New Shinigami

"So remember, you have to move as fast as possible through the portal or the Koutotsu will kill you. Don't hesitate or you will die," Kisuke Urahara said, looking sternly at each of the people before him. "Once you get to Soul Society, avoid any of the thirteen captains or vice-captains and try to get Rukia out as quickly and quietly as possible. Do you understand?"

Ichigo, Orihime, Chad, and Ishida all nodded their assent.

Yoruichi looked back briefly at them and said. "Then let's go."

They all sprinted into the portal as Urahara held it open. For some unknown and unimportant reason, Urahara looked away from the opening for just a moment, and it was long enough to allow a tall, lithe, pink-clad figure to dart through the gate and into the dark space between Soul Society and the human world.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The thirteen captains of Soul Society lined up in the wide hall, waiting for the captain of the First Division to address them. Though many of them didn't like each other, they put that aside long enough to stay in the same room until the First captain got there.

Eventually, the old man entered the room, looking deceptively frail and weak as he walked between the two rows of captains to take his seat at the end of the hall. As he sat down, he considered the others soberly.

"We have a serious problem in Soul Society. I want each of you prepared for what's to come," he said.

"Are you talking about those ryoka trying to break into the city? They'll never make it past the gate guardians," Soi-Fong scoffed.

"No, I'm talking about a ryoka that has already entered Soul Society. Somehow she escaped the guards' notice and has been wandering around for almost half an hour," Yamamoto replied.

"How is that even possible?" Hitsugaya asked, incredulous.

"She's either very strong or very lucky."

"No, I mean it's literally impossible. There's no way she could have gotten in without alerting someone before now. There are no silent ways into Soul Society."

"My, how interesting," Gin commented, smiling creepily. Hitsugaya frowned at him and wondered if he knew more than he was saying.

"We have no clue, but we know that she's here. Since no one knows her purpose or her powers, we'll have to be very careful," the First answered Hitsugaya, ignoring Gin.

"Ryoka..." Kenpachi murmured eagerly under his breath. He raised his voice and declared, "I will find her first and fight her!"

"I think I'll go back to drinking. Do you want to come, Ukitake?" Shunsui asked, adjusting his large straw hat and smiling crookedly.

"The ryoka sounds like she would make a good test subject for me," Mayuri cackled, rubbing his hands together. Ukitake gave him a strange look, but the meeting was dismissed before anything more could be said. As the captains went their own ways, Ukitake and Shunsui headed towards the bar.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Come on Ken-chan! I know that the ryoka are going to be just around this corner! Faster, faster!" Yachiru shouted, clinging tightly to Kenpachi's neck as the shinigami sprinted through the street.

"You said that the last two corners, Yachiru…" Kenpachi growled.

"This time I'm sure for sure! Turn now!"

Kenpachi whipped around the corner and slid to a stop, a cruel smile slowly spreading across his face. "Ryoka…" he whispered ecstatically (A/N: this is a mid-story author's note saying something insignificant that's going to completely interrupt the flow here. That is all.).

The object of his attention turned around, her pink shinigami robes blowing slightly in an unseen breeze. She was tall and slender, her skin a perfect milky white. Her hair was pink as well and fell to her waist, the color a perfect match to her robes, which were tied with a white sash. Her eyes, in contrast, were a vivid purple and sparkled darkly above her perfect nose and full, pink mouth. Everything about her was so perfect in fact, that at first glance it appeared as if she was plastic.

The only thing that marred the soft, girlish effect was the rusty, old sword that had been shoved into the sash of her robes, leaving flakes of rusted metal on the otherwise pristine white fabric.

"Who are you?" she asked, her voice sounding like bells and making Kenpachi's ears ring. Her perfect face turned into a perfect expression of derision. "Your hairstyle is completely ridiculous, by the way."

Normally, this would have made Yachiru very angry, but surprisingly, she was cowering behind Kenpachi's broad back, hiding herself completely from the strange girl's view.

"I'm going to fight you, ryoka!" Kenpachi announced, ignoring Yachiru's strange behavior completely.

"My name is Cherry not ryoka, thank you very much," the girl said, and her bell-like voice echoed strangely off the narrow walls of the alley. "You may attack me if you'd like, but I warn you, you won't win. Even though I don't like violence, I will defend myself and I am at least a captain class fighter, if not more."

Kenpachi was nodding through this speech and responded with a speech of his own. "Cherry. I welcome you as my honored opponent. My name is Kenpachi. I hope that you will fight with nobility and give me a sporting challenge," he said. For some reason, he was slowly acquiring a British accent.

Kenpachi drew his sword and bowed, the bells in his hair jingling slightly. Yachiru was still clinging to his back and as she came into view of Cherry, she let out a little squeak and jumped off so forcefully that she inadvertently made Kenpachi lose his balance and dive face first into the street. As Yachiru high-tailed it away on the rooftops, Kenpachi got to his feet, carefully brushing the dust and dirt off of his captain robes. He held his sword out fencing-style. "Let us begin," he said.

Cherry drew her sword and held it in front of her, then stared at it in confusion. "This is strange. It's not transforming," she looked apologetically at Kenpachi. "It should transform just like Inuyasha's sword. Hang on a minute." She walked over to the side of the alley and proceeded to bang the sword against the wall, sending bits of rust and sparks flying everywhere. Kenpachi wished he could help her, but since he had no idea who Inuyasha was or what his sword was supposed to do, there was nothing he could do.

When nothing happened, she frowned angrily at the sword. "This is completely wrong," she muttered. "Any sword found in Urahara's shop has to be special and powerful in some way, even if it was in the garbage." Finally, she shrugged and threw the sword over her shoulder. It bounced off the wall and lay forgotten in the dirt. "I'll fight you without the sword, Kenpachi-san. You may attack whenever you're ready."

Kenpachi, who had waited patiently and silently while Cherry wrestled with her sword, nodded politely and charged. Cherry waited until he was close in front of her and then stepped aside. The captain, suddenly much clumsier than usual, kept going, tripped over Cherry's discarded sword, and knocked himself out against the wall.

Cherry looked down on the unconscious captain with sympathy. "I told you so," she said simply, and then walked away.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a good hour of drinking, Shunsui and Ukitake left the bar, Shunsui stumbling and Ukitake doing his best to help his friend along.

"Nanao is going to be angry now. I told you not to drink so much," Ukitake said, steering Shunsui away from a wall.

"Nano-chan!! I love her so much!" the drunk man exclaimed, his perpetual grin getting wider.

Suddenly, Shunsui stumbled sideways and ran into a girl in pink shinigami robes. For a moment, he thought she was wearing a hood as well, before realizing that it was just her hair blending into her clothes. She turned around, the frown on her face leaving no wrinkles.

"Sorry about that," Ukitake said with an apologetic smile as he steadied his friend.

"That's alright, perhaps you can help me. I'm a bit lost," the girl said, but the words were almost lost under the ringing that had started in their ears. "My name is Cherry and I'm supposed to be rescuing someone in the Tower of Woe. Do you know where it is?"

Ukitake rubbed his ears and found it hard to think. "Do you mean the Tower of Penitence? It's the largest structure in Soul Society. You can see it from anywhere, so just head in that direction...rescue someone did you say?"

"Of course. I love to help people, especially when they need it," she responded brightly.

Ukitake suddenly noticed that Shunsui, who normally would have hit on the pretty woman at least once, was being unusually quiet. Looking over at him, he saw that the eighth division captain had taken off his hat and was holding it in front of his face, peering shyly over the edge at Cherry.

"What...what's wrong Shunsui?" Ukitake asked, having a hard time thinking once again. Cherry's voice seemed to resonate in the air even after she'd stopped talking.

Shunsui ignored Ukitake's question and instead addressed Cherry. "Hewwo," he said, wiggling his fingers childishly at Cherry.

"Hello!" Cherry responded brightly, "You're cute."

"Fank you," Shunsui said, ducking behind his hat and blushing.

"Y...you're acting really...really weird," Ukitake found it hard to even form the words, his head was spinning so badly. He coughed into his hand.

"Oh no!" Cherry said, stepping closer to Ukitake, "You're sick, you poor thing. That means you need help and I love to help people. Let me heal you!"

"I don't think..." Ukitake began, then stopped abruptly. He fell to his knees, feeling weaker than ever and staring up at Cherry adoringly. "Please, help me."

The pink-haired girl smiled softly, her perfectly smooth lips arching into a perfect bow. Dramatically, she laid her hand on Ukitake's forehead, pressing down. "Begone evil illness! Let this man be healed in the name of Cherry!" she cried.

Ukitake suddenly leaped up, feeling better than he ever had. He clasped Cherry's hands in his. "Thank you so much, wonderful woman. I'm going to run through the streets of Seireitei now!" he coughed into his hand again, this time bringing up blood, but ignored it as he took off down the street, leaving Shunsui sitting on the ground hiding behind his hat.

Cherry smiled happily after Ukitake. "I am so amazing, and yet so humble."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

With her pink hair flowing behind her and her violet eyes flashing with joy and anticipation, Cherry ran towards the Tower of Penitence that towered over Seireitei. She was so pleased to be doing something wonderful and good that she couldn't help but hum as she ran. There were a lot of people running around, and yet all of them merely stopped and stared at Cherry as she passed. She thought they must be very nice to let her go by.

Once, she needed to stop and catch her breath. Happily, she wasn't sweating at all so she hadn't ruined her lovely clothes with stains.

At that moment, Mayuri popped out from a side street, appearing in front of Cherry and grinning wildly. "There you are, ryoka! To have gotten this far you are clearly worth further study. If you come with me, I promise to anesthetize you before doing my tests. Nemu! Come here!"

The dark haired girl stepped behind Mayuri and stared blankly at Cherry, waiting for further instructions.

Cherry looked at Mayuri with a disgusted expression that nevertheless made her look beautiful. "You are the creepiest person I know. Do you really have to use all that makeup? And is that a bedpan on your head? All that talk about testing me is just wrong. People aren't meant to be used as lab rats, you know," she scolded Mayuri, wagging her index finger at him.

"You insolent...thing..." Mayuri said, shaking his head in confusion. "I...I shouldn't be...so mean to all those living things. They're my friends and I love them all!" he spread his arms dramatically and a bird perched on each hand. "I'm sorry my dear, but I must go to the forest and make up for all my bad deeds by feeding the little animals. Nemu, go amuse yourself with whatever you wish!"

Nemu clapped her hands happily and bounced off the ground. "Hooray! Thank you Mayuri-chan!"

The captain and vice-captain proceeded to skip off in different directions while Cherry watched. "Another life saved by me! I'm so happy they saw the error of their ways. Now I must save that girl in the Tower!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Finally Cherry stood at the base of the Tower of Woe...or Penitence or whatever it was called. The name didn't really matter as long as she was able to save the girl within and become the heroine of this tale! Everyone knew that the most beautiful and talented girl was supposed to be the heroine.

There were a few guards ahead, standing in front of the door to the Tower. Though she didn't have her sword anymore, she still had that super secret power that she kept hidden for special occasions.

Before she could make it all the way across the bridge, however, four people arrived behind her, effectively drawing all attention away from her approach. Annoyed, she turned around and faced the intruders.

"Who are you?" the boy with orange hair demanded.

"Kurasaki-kun, maybe we should be careful," the girl who spoke had orange hair like Ichigo, but it was much longer.

"Everything will be fine, Inoue-san. We've made it this far," a dark-haired boy with glasses assured her, never taking his eyes off of Cherry.

"I'm Cherry and I'm going to save the girl who's trapped in this horrible tower. Please don't try to stop me or I will have to hurt you and I hate hurting anyone," Cherry responded.

"Wait, you're trying to rescue Rukia, too?" the dark-haired boy asked.

"Yes, of course. I don't need any help, either. Just stand back and let me handle everything," Cherry answered.

"Ishida, you're not considering this, are you? We came all this way to rescue Rukia, we can't just let this girl take over," Ichigo said, gaping at Ishida, who was nodding at Cherry's words with a blank stare. "Chad? Inoue?" he turned toward the other two, amazed to see that they, too, were agreeing with Cherry.

"It's only logical that the strongest person should take this serious mission and clearly I am the strongest here. You may not realize it now, but I promise that I am," Cherry insisted.

Ichigo caught himself nodding in agreement, but stopped himself with a sharp shake of his head. "We came all this way..." he said, having trouble putting his thoughts together. "I can't let you..." Slowly, he drew his sword, struggling to do so.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Cherry said. "I truly didn't want to have to do this." She raised both of her hands, palms facing Ichigo's group, and said, "Bankai."

Immediately, pink light spread outward from her in all directions, filled with large red hearts and sparkles filling every empty space. It rushed over the guards at the Tower entrance and Ichigo's group, then ballooned upwards.

Ichigo, Ishida, Chad, and Orihime all covered their heads and fell to their knees under the immense power of Cherry's sparkle-filled bankai. "How can she do this without a weapon?" Ishida yelled, trying to be heard over the sound of the wind that was whipping around them.

"It's the power of true love," Cherry answered, inexplicably able to hear his question even though she was still standing a good distance away. "Now I must be sure that no one else can stop me from saving this poor girl!"

The pink wave of power spread farther and farther until it had covered all of Seireitei in a haze of pink, sparkles, and hearts. Everyone that this light touched was immediately brought to their knees by the sheer weight of it.

Therefore, when Urahara sneaked through the portal to Soul Society, he found that he didn't have to bother being sneaky. Everyone there was laying on the ground, motionless, muttering about how utterly defeated they were. He picked through the prostrate people, trying to follow the trail of chaos back towards the source: Cherry.

He hadn't realized that one of his custom-made mod souls had escaped in a gigai until Tessai had been doing an inventory of all his creations and discovered that it was missing. A sword he had thrown out a few weeks ago had also gone missing but that wasn't nearly as disturbing.

He had made this particular mod soul with special powers that he had dubbed "Suumari," the power to make anyone who heard her voice act completely out of character. She had such strong powers of suggestion that when she unleashed her ultimate attack, it convinced anyone within its range that they had been defeated by a power much greater than theirs, even though it basically consisted of nothing more harmful than glitter.

The power of that suggestion had erased the barrier that kept Urahara from re-entering Soul Society when Cherry had gone through, a fact which Urahara hadn't discovered until he had tried to enter a few minutes ago. Now he would have to find Cherry and bring her back, then try to undo the damage she had done.

Finally, he followed the trail of "defeated" enemies to the Tower of Penitence. Entering it, he found Cherry, sitting next to Rukia in a circle of light that entered through the tower window. Rukia laid on her back, muttering. "Such strength, I was defeated so easily. I will never rise again."

"What did you do, Cherry?" Urahara asked, walking towards her slowly.

She looked up at him sadly, her eyes growing huge and sorrowful. Tears gathered on her lower lashes and hung there precariously. "I am too strong. My power hurt the person I was supposed to save. How can I ever go on?!" she wailed and buried her face in her hands. Then she suddenly raised her head, eyes shining, and looked up into the light. "But I shall go on. The world needs me and I can't let all those wonderful people who need my help suffer. This will be my burden, to carry with me where ever I may go. I am so tragic, and yet so humble. You must understand Urahara-san. You can't take me back and put me in that box until I have helped everyone who needs it."

"I'm sorry, Cherry," Urahara replied, having moved to stand behind her while she was making her speech. "But I can't hear a word you're saying." With that, he hit her over the head with his umbrella and she crumpled at his feet. He hit her back with his gloved hand and the mod soul popped out of the gigai in its small ball form.

Quickly, Urahara scooped it up in a box and slung the empty gigai over his shoulder. "I hope they haven't found Underground Lair Number Four or else they might have damaged the time machine...I should probably drop the gigai and mod soul off before going to look," he muttered to himself, staring down at Rukia, who was still laying dejectedly in her circle of light.

When the citizens of Soul Society next woke up after Urahara had found and activated his time machine, no one remembered anything about Cherry or the ryokas (why would they since it hadn't happened?) but Soi Fong found that someone had drawn on her face while she slept.

A/N: Since there were a few people who were confused about my last story of this nature, I figured I'd let you know right off the bat that this is a parody. I know that Cherry is a Mary-Sue because I made her a Mary-Sue on purpose. I don't blame people for thinking I was serious, but it's a sad reflection on the state of fanfic today…


End file.
